The surprising solution to impostor syndrome
Awhile ago, I had the opportunity to take on some new responsibilities at work. And even though my brain knew I was totally capable and equipped to do the thing, my emotional self felt otherwise. That part of me often feels like I’m not qualified enough or don’t deserve these types of opportunities regardless of what logic or facts say.
Unfortunately, I’m not unique. A review of 60+ studies in 2020 found that as many as 82% of people experience impostor syndrome. As a manager, this isn’t particularly surprising — I’ve found that the vast majority of people I’ve managed struggle with impostor syndrome at least occasionally. Especially women.
Common or not, impostor syndrome is self-limiting. It’s hard to do your best work when you have a nagging feeling that you don’t belong there. It makes you second guess yourself and keep quiet when you should do the opposite.
Often, when I talk to my directs about this, they describe it as lacking confidence. That’s often how feedback from peers comes in too. So we spend a bunch of time trying to build up their confidence in a variety of ways and, frankly, for most people it’s a waste of time. People rarely magically develop confidence.
That doesn’t mean that you should just give up and accept that you’re going to be stuck in self-limiting behaviors forever. But I do think it requires us to shift how we frame the problem.
When we think about impostor syndrome in terms of confidence, we’re often told to disrupt mental scripts and talk to ourselves differently. For example, instead of thinking “I’m not ready for this promotion,” tell yourself “I have been working hard to build my leadership skills and I am ready for this promotion.” And that can be really effective for people whose impostor syndrome is rooted in negative self-talk.
But most people I’ve worked with (myself included) don’t sit around mentally trash-talking themselves. They are very mentally aware of their strengths and challenges. It’s their feelings about themselves that create the impostor syndrome, not their thoughts. So a pep talk does absolutely nothing.
After talking to my therapist about this, she told me something that changed my life. She said that I will probably always feel this way. These negative feelings about myself were formed so long ago and at such a critical developmental stage that they are unlikely to change. BUT — and here’s the critical piece — they don’t have to linger. We can recognize our strengths and qualifications AND accept that our feelings don’t match those thoughts. And then we can let those feelings of inadequacy go.
Did you know that neuroscientists have found that the average emotional response lasts around 90 seconds? If you’re anything like me, when those feelings of inadequacy creep in, you immediately start trying to reframe them and change them and tease apart where they came from and… oh my goodness, that sure lasts longer than 90 seconds, doesn’t it?
There’s a fine line between helpful thinking and ruminating. If it helps you to reframe your thoughts when you feeling self doubt creeping in, by all means keep doing it! But if it’s not helpful — or maybe actively unhelpful — here’s something to try instead.
Recognize and acknowledge the feeling. Name it. Don’t try to change it or judge it.
Close your eyes and breathe for at least 30 seconds. Clear your mind as much as you can.
Imagine your chest opening and the feeling slowly leaving your body for around a minute. Take deep breaths and focus on that mental image. I like to imagine those feelings as big dark puffy clouds.
That’s it. You may have to do this before triggers like important meetings — maybe even every important meeting. But hey, it’s 90 seconds. We can do hard things for 90 seconds, maybe even forever. And then we can let our brains take the wheel and kick ass the way we know we can.
Let me know if you try it and if it works for you!
90 seconds. I’ll try it!